(32) Left Behind and Common Courtesy

Ask any Korean how hard it is to speak English. It's not an easy language for them to learn.Many of the rules and mechanics of the language are confounding to them,only making sense after years of study and practice.

I can't help but feel sorry for them sometimes. Since English is a major business language, it means that pretty much any major job requires you have some form of mastery of English to go anywhere in life and succeed at your job.

However, I am under the firm belief that courtesy and consideration transcends any language barrier and allows us to display our humanity and show our compassion and understanding of each others needs. This, to me, is the beauty of the human race.

However, we can not always be receptive to each others needs and wants. Sometimes we are too focused, too intent on fulfilling our own agendas and needs to notice the other person in the room. Sometimes, our lives become so involving, we develop these life blinders. blocking out everything and keeping us focused on our goals with laser accuracy. We are, after all, only human.

I'm probably not the first person to experience this while working in Korea and just based on some of the stories I have heard, I'm sure some people have it much worse than I do. We all have our bad work days and work experiences. I usually let them roll of my shoulder and just go on with my life. I realize that people at work our focused so its a understandable when a lapse of judgement or lack of time to help others occurs.

Today was the last day of the 2013 school year before the winter break. It was a day to wrap up classes and finish up what we needed to do before the new year began. This however would be my last year working at the school as only a few months before I found out that I wouldn't be able to renew my contract at my school, as the Korean government had recently made new changes which would end up eliminating foreign teachers from high schools. It was a little upsetting that this would happen and during the last part of the school year, but, that is a story for another day.

Apparently, this morning was a breakfast to celebrate the last days of teaching and close the old year to begin the new one fresh. I don't know what the breakfast was like, what there was to eat, or even where it took place because unlike the other teacher's I wasn't invited.

To clarify, every single staff in the school was invited to attend. This includes teachers, secretaries, office staff, grounds keepers  even some parents who were at the school, except me. I was the only one left out.

Why? I have no idea. I've been invited to school meals and gatherings before. It was common assumption for teachers to tell one another about an event and ask them to come along. even if they didn't intend on sitting next to them or talking to them.

I'm not to complain and whine when I'm not invited to parties. I don't throw a fit when I'm not invited to group outings. It's ok. I'm an adult. the world doesn't revolve around and me and no one owes me anything. I get that. Adult stuff. It's cool.

However, when every single person in the school minus the students is invited and you're not, it makes you think. It makes you wonder. Why would this happen?

Was it something I did? Is my personality? Did they just forget? Am I difficult to talk to? No one said anything about and of these before, why the sudden change of tone at the end of the year? Stuff like this makes your mind wander, makes you think what could have possibly gone wrong, all over a stupid breakfast.

As I said in the beginning, I understand and respect the difficulty of learning English. I understand and respect the cultural differences and have given the strongest effort to represent the best of my culture as well as understanding and participating in Korean culture.

However, simply asking someone to come has nothing to do with culture. Taking five seconds out of your day to simply ask someone to come with you or go with you has nothing to do with culture, nor your quality as a teacher, or even a person. It's just common courtesy. I've been her long enough to know that it exists in Korea just we much as it does in the states.

I'm not going to sit here and complain about how life in Korea sucks and how life is unfair. I will say that I hope anyone who reads this remembers their manners and courtesy. It only takes a second of your time and in many cases, can make a huge difference in someone's day and in many cases, prove to them that there is humanity left in the world.

Be good to one another. Represent your culture, represent your society and represent yourself well. That is all.

(23) 90 in 90: Culture and Compromise

Its a commonly shared belief that being in another country means following the rules of another country. It means putting aside your own preconceived notions on how you should live and act in favor of having an open mind towards other cultures. The saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" applies here.

I have always been comfortable doing this. While there was always the first time awkwardness of changing a daily routine and way of living, soon I became comfortable in a new way of living and to some extent, a new way of thinking. My core beliefs and behavior would remain, but the willingness to think and act in another way would always be an option.

A few days ago, a question came to my attention that caused me to stop and think about my current situation. It required me to take a look at my own beliefs and morals and consider this question: how much do we compromise of our former actions and morals when in a new country?

I've been in Korea for almost two years and have experienced a large chunk of its culture and cultural standards. Some of which I have followed and agreed with, while other things have left me feeling a little out of place and feeling a little hesitant to embrace that part of the culture. I never really gave too much thought to the things that bothered me, I simply pushed them to the side or if I was left with no other option, just did that it in as minor of a role as possible.

The question that I talked about earlier comes into question specifically when we do something we wouldn't normally do, or rather something that goes against your own ethics or beliefs. Is it acceptable to go against them in order to fit in to another country and not cause problems?

For me, I'm honestly not sure, the issue never really bothered me until it was critically brought to my attention. A friend of mine expressed some difficulty fitting into certain aspects of Korea culture, specifically when it came to gender roles.

For those who are not aware, Korea follows strict gender roles and these roles are expected to be followed without conflict or deviation. For me, I was aware of this particular aspect of society, it never really bothered me enough to say or act against it in any way. Being that my friend is the opposite gender of myself, the issues affected her much more significantly. A critical look at some of the things people do and say to women could be interpreted as offensive to some people. This was something that was always on my mind but never really made me think about it critically until now.

While it didn't bother her so much that it made her want to pack her bags and run home, it was enough to get both of us thinking and wondering how to go about and deal with the situation. She finally decided that she would bring up the reasons why it was considered offensive and why it bothered her to people closer to her, but to older people and people she didn't have a close relationship with, she would just let it slide. It was a compromise between her morals and the societal norms of another culture.

I like to feel that when something bothers me in some way enough for me to think about it for days on end, I would speak up about it and tell them why I felt it was wrong. On the other hand, I have strong feelings about respecting other people's cultures and would rather not challenge someone on something that has most likely been a part of their life as long as they can remember.

I feel like an understanding and a middle ground can come between two reasonable people of any culture, but I would always feel that small feeling of guilt afterwards. I mean, who am I to tell people how to live their lives? Who am I to take a moral high ground and talk down to someone from a different culture?

On the other hand, there are some things that are not exactly morally right no matter which culture you come from and no matter how long it has been a part of your culture. I think we can all agree to varying degrees that sexism is wrong and to sit by and watch it continue without at least letting people know why its wrong feels a bit wrong as well. Sharing culture also means sharing beliefs and perspectives, this is an example.

In the end I don't have a solid answer and my approach could be completely different from another person's strategy. I try to maintain a balance, letting people know my point of view while respecting theirs and hopefully meeting in the middle. It's a not a perfect solution, but I think its a good middle ground for now.

It's funny how despite being here for almost two years, I still am not entirely sure how to go about dealing with certain issues. If anything, living abroad still presents puzzles and solutions two years later. The act of learning, is never ending and always changing.