It’s funny writing that I’ve been in Korea for nearly 5
months and really don’t consider it some kind of milestone. In fact it took a
moment of random thoughts and staring at a calendar to remind me of just how
long I’ve been here and just how fast time really does pass when you aren’t
actively counting it.
I haven’t been actively keeping track of my days here in
Korea nor have I been counting down the days before heading back to the states.
I have not experience homesickness yet, nor have I become so fond of Korea that
I do not wish to return. It’s not a year away from home to me and it’s not a
vacation away from the US. It’s a new part of my life, a new chapter that I am
currently living out and for the most part, enjoying it very much.
The last few weeks have helped to illustrate this point with
two major events: one of first friends made in Korea leaving to go overseas and
a trip to the ocean, two unrelated events but ones that gave me a new
perspective on life and where I want to go with mine.
My friend leaving was a sad day for me, The first I
have experienced in Korea. Charlie was a substitute teacher at the school I
taught at and was quick to start talking to me the first day he started
teaching there. His English was excellent and his personality was lighthearted
and fun. Charlie was always quick to crack a joke whether it was through
observation or mistranslation. He was also always there to give me a helping
hand in my school work, translation and just someone to talk to during the day.
Being a native English speaker and knowing very little Korean makes for very
short and unfulfilling conversations, but Charlie was always there to say
something.
When the teachers would leave for a gathering or meeting
more often than not I was left behind as coming to the meeting in their eyes
would be pointless if I did not understand what anyone was saying. In truth
this made sense, but it didn’t make the isolation any less hurtful nor did it
do anything to starve off the feeling that I was not an esteemed colleague, but
rather an accessory to teach English.
I sat in the office alone, possibly for the rest of the day
for all I knew. As I sat in my chair staring
blankly off into the distance, Charlie came in from the side, put his hand on
my shoulder and said:
“Hey, it’s not bad that they left you, now we can go get ice
cream and talk.”
We ate ice cream and talked. We talked about our families
and about our most embarrassing moments. We talked about where we were going to
go in our lives and what we wanted to see in the world. We talked about our
ideal soul mates, the people we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with.
“I really want to be with someone who understands me. In
Korea sometimes people are only after you for your status. I don’t care if she’s
a doctor or trash collector, if she’s a good person who cares what she does?”
he once told me
I was having my first substantial conversation with someone
since leaving my home behind. It felt refreshing to be able to say these things
and not feel the stigma of saving face or cultural boundaries. I smiled as I
listened to Charlie’s hopes and dreams and slowly let the ice cream melt in my
mouth and leave a cold trail down my throat. I usually was one to finish my ice
cream as fast as possible but here I slowly let it melt instead. The cold
sweetness was a physical compliment to mellow and blissful state of my mind. I
was shocked at just how good conversation could feel after being devoid of it
for so long.
Charlie was also one of the keys to getting to know other
people in my little town better. While I was originally used to meeting the
friends I had originally met outside of my hometown I had very little contact
with the people who lived near me. When Charlie requested meeting the other
teachers in town we suddenly became a lot closer. Charlie had a magnetic personality
that was able to make even the shiest person want to sit down and talk with
him. Our get togethers were becoming more frequent and soon we were getting to
know each other better. I previously dreaded staying behind in my town for the
weekend, but now looked forward to it. Slowly these people were becoming my
friends. My family I could talk to when I needed help and my source of good
conversation and happiness at a moment’s notice.
While Charlie was getting closer to everyone and helping
everyone become better friends, he was also preparing to move further away than
any of us. Charlie was preparing to leave Gimcheon to pursue a job overseas. It
would give him the chance to do what he always dreamed of: travel the world and
get paid for it. He kept it quiet not telling anyone any details until a few
weeks prior.
At first I was slightly disappointed, I wanted Charlie to
follow his dream and I wanted him to be happy but it seemed too soon too
sudden. Charlie had just gotten to know us and find his friends again in
Gimcheon, to leave that behind seemed a cruel twist of fate.
Charlie was never one to keep a sad situation that way so in
an attempt to say goodbye and leave on a high note, Charlie decided to have two
days of celebration. One day a barbeque cookout and one day a night spent in
one of his favorite places, the city park.
The barbeque started out horribly. It was raining all day
and everywhere was thoroughly soaked. The wind picked up when it was time to
start grilling and despite having a ton of food to eat, we lost most of it due
to the rain water and the meet sitting out uncooked. Despite the miserable
atmosphere the party was a blast. Charlie was happier than ever and when
combined with our good company we were able to take the ugly and cold day and
turn it into an experience of drinking, laughing and playing games. We were
freezing and soaked to the bone but still happy.
The final day was spent in the city park, drinking beer,
eating chicken and talking. It was the small intimate events that were we’re
most used to and in a way, liked it better that way. We didn’t have the
pressure to meet expectations or satisfy the need to be over the top and
extreme. We were a simply able to talk.
To share and listen. To learn more about each other. It was a mellow end and a quiet way to send
Charlie off on his way.
Before leaving that evening Charlie told me goodbye.
“You’re a good friend Kyle. I will miss you but don’t worry
I will be back someday, you can never get rid of me forever,” he said, flashing
that same stupid grin he always did when saying something serious and
heartfelt. “Also, don’t worry too much
about things in life like your job and relationships. All these things just
happen when ready. Sometimes it is just best to not worry about planning and
just react.”
These were the last words Charlie spoke to me in person.
They still stick in my mind days after he has left, they were simple but poignant
words. Their meaning now embedded in me.
Up to this point in Korea, I had been banking on a
master plan hoping that everything would work out in my favor. My whole life
had been one master plan after another. Even when I told myself I was being
open minded I was lying to myself. I always wanted a result, an end to what I
started. Not having things finish or leaving things without a clear idea always
made me nervous. Not nearly as much as previously in my life, but still enough
to linger in my mind and cause me a growing sense of dread when the unknown
popped up.
Charlie taught me to forget all that. He taught me the
freedom of not having all the answers and not knowing how the story would end.
I learned that sometimes it was good to just let things go as they did, that
everything would happen good or bad and that no matter what the result, it was
always a good thing to embrace the adventure in my life.
The last of my fear had finally disappeared. Thanks to
Charlie, I had truly become free.
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