Knowing this does not alter the way that I teach and what I teach. While I have never been formally trained in education or teaching, I am constantly trying to make efforts to improve my ability and methods. I understand the importance of being an educator and despite the naysayers, I still feel that strong efforts on behalf of the teacher can rub off on the students in a positive way. Show students you care enough, and they'll care right back. Of course this is not always the case but even those who sleep in class will know that you're a teacher who is trying. (they just choose not to pay attention)
There are days where being a teacher in Korea can be a frustrating experience unlike any other job I have held. The days where your lessons fall on deaf ears. The days where students would rather sleep and talk to their neighbors than pay attention. The days where your co teachers would rather read a book or not even attend the class rather than try to help you. There are days where you'll fight with your school over a contracts or miss communication. While the exact experiences may vary from teacher to teacher, school to school, I'm willing to bet that most teachers have experienced these things before.
However, despite the days where I want to pull my hair out in frustration and moments where I yearn for the comfort of home, I have never stopped caring about my job and the people who are part of my job. Some people have horrible teaching experiences here and leave with bitter feelings and unpleasant memories. I'm happy to report that I have more good memories than bad ones.
Last week I fell into a series of depressing days. I had just gotten over a huge argument with a loved one, was criticized by my school for making an error that was originally their fault to begin with and falling ill with a nasty stomach virus. It was enough to make me fed up with my job and living overseas and made me wish I could return home again. I felt that I was close to my limit, I didn't want to be here anymore and face the frustration.
It was only a few days later that I saw the error in my emotional state and realized that while things were bad, there was no reason to leave, no reason to turn my back on a country that had given me so much. The frustrations of daily life combined with job hunting and was slowly boiling under the surface and just like a volcano on the brink of exploding, the tiniest provocation could set me off.
Unlike my geological analogy, the damage I caused wasn't permanent and instead offered me some perspective. It offered me the time to think about what I wanted, where I was and where I wanted to go.
More than anything else, the time to cool down and reflect has left me thankful, to exam just what a great life and opportunity filled living I currently have. I thought about how everyday was a new adventure and a new opportunity to learn something new. I thought about how I was making a decent living, paying off a debt that would enslave my life and time if I remained in my home country. I thought about the people I have met and the people I currently have. How they have changed and shaped me for the better and provided me with the opportunity to share my adventure with them.
I am currently a teacher. I will most likely remain a teacher for a little while longer. I still want to be a journalist. This has not changed. This will most likely not change for awhile.
No matter where I am and what I'm doing, the end goal, no matter how vague and distant it may seem is always something to keep me on track, the let me know I still have somewhere to go.
It lets me know that one day I will have to settle down. It lets me know all of the opportunities I have waiting for me, and that time spent exploring the possibilities and enjoying the little moments is better than moping of the ones you can't have.
Reflection has put me back on track and put my mind in its place again.
There will be more rough days ahead. There will be more bad days, arguments, disagreements and disputes.
There will be rejections and failures. Self doubts and worry.
I will have them in Korea.
Then again, I will have them no matter where I go.
That much is certain, but so is the promise of good days.
Which one do you think is the better to focus on?
Like our good friends Jules and Vincent, sometimes a moment of clarity is what you need to put things back into perspective.
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